the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize