Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize