I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
