Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
