Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
