I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I skipped work to stalk him.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
