im drinking this country out of the recession.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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