yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
