just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
