i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Randomize
