The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
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She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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