Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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