Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize