Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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