I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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