...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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