Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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