Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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