hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I am naked and annoyed.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
