He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
