he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
