Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
