I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
