I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
