and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
