So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
