Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she peed on how many people?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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