so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
