It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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