I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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