just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
