He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
