That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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