too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
