I want to walk on stilts...naked
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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