1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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