yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize