dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
