it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
