I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
