Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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