That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
