Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
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