I showed him my bush... on skype.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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