So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
