He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
