I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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