Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
