Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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