Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
