And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
