I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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