Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
