Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
