Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He uses pillows to masturbate.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
