last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
