No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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