Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
