That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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