He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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