Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
