i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
