She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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