About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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