How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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