drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
