Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
