I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
