I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
