dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
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