My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
