I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
