what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I touched a dick in church today
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
