I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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