Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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