he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
