Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize