Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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