She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
