dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
There are leaves in my underwear?
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