I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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